How to Choose a Wife in Islam
The Messenger of Allah said: “Whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it should fast, for it will be a restraint (Wija’) for him.” Marriage in Islam is intended to fulfil multiple purposes, including spiritual tranquillity, peace, cooperation, and partnership in fulfilling Allah’s Commands. Marriage gives responsibilities to both partners equally. Such responsibilities help people develop, grow, lead, and become more affectionate. Not to mention that fulfilling one’s physical needs in a decent manner is one of the main purposes of marriage. Islam provides clear guidance on how to choose a wife in Islam, focusing on faith, character, and good manners.
Reproduction is a natural outcome of marriage. Allah Almighty urges believers to establish a strong and faithful generation that can lead the Islamic nation to prosperity. Consequently, a man should be careful when choosing his wife and should highly consider that his wife plays an important role in raising and developing the future leaders of the Ummah.
Qualities of a Righteous Wife
Our religion emphasises that physical appearance and material wealth are not as important as righteousness, good character, and piety. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised believers to choose the one who is religious and successful.
A religious woman can be a great source of support to her husband in his life, decisions, work, and raising their children. She is his first line of defence and a source of the peace and tranquillity he seeks in his home. A woman who observes the five daily prayers, dresses modestly, and covers her hair is better able to protect herself from external temptations.
A righteous wife obeys Allah by fulfilling her responsibilities towards her husband. She understands that seeking Allah’s pleasure is part of fulfilling her marital responsibilities. Men should seek a woman who can contribute to peace and tranquillity in their home and life. Their home can be blessed through prayer, Quran recitation, and Duas.
Good Character and Compatibility in Choosing a Wife
Abu Ad-Darda’ narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: “Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed, a person with good character will attain the rank of one who fasts and prays.”
We must distinguish between a person’s level of worship and their good character and behaviour. Not every woman who wears Hijab necessarily has good character. Thus, when choosing a wife, a man should have enough interaction with his prospective wife to get to know her character. For example, observe how she treats her parents and siblings. Character is of great importance in Islam, including kindness, compassion, respect, and modesty.
Men, too, have the right to choose a woman they like. It is important to choose a woman whom you admire, love, and feel comfortable around—someone with whom you will be content. Through a few meetings, both of you can develop a strong attraction to each other. All the above-mentioned criteria can contribute to a successful marriage and a happy life.
Do not forget to make dua as much as you can. Remember this beautiful dua that Allah mentions in the Holy Quran and repeat:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
May our Lord bless us with spouses and children who bring joy to our eyes and make us a model for the righteous.
